How Boring Life is..

I didn't go to work last Friday shift. No reason. I'm not in the mood to work. Just that. Hmm.. Lemme share you what I really wanna pursue if I had given a chance to choose.

1. I wanna work in a magazine industry. I don't know how you call that position. But I'd like to handle the part of doing all the layout and design of a magazine.

2. I wanna be a personal shopper. haha! can you imagine that? saya! shopping lang ng shopping. shit di ko naman damit! LOL

3. I wanna be a plain housewife! LOL. bakit hinde? e hilig ko nga lang magdecorate ng rooms. so tingin ko, i will survive. Basta entrega lang saken lahat ng sweldo ni mister, kasama pang luho ko (foot spa, body massage, manicure pedicure (all every two weeks haha), hotoil every month and shopping spree every weekend)Di naman ako super maluho no? haha

4. I wanna be a chef! this is for real. I'm frustrated about cooking meals, I really wanna learn. The best meal I could is FRIED PORKCHOP! how pathetic I am! LOL

5. I wanna be an interior designer.

6. I wanna be a paid blogger. Hahaha!

7. I wanna be a botique / spa / salon / resort / bar owner (ambisyosa? lol)

I could be that ambisyosa but seriuosly, I wanna accomplish at least two from the list above. I am turning 25 on Wednesday. I think, it's not too late for me to start working on my dreams.

3rd in a row

yea. hehehe. This is my third post. What can I do? I miss blogging just how I miss my old fave series. As I finished the available episodes of The Hills, I browsed on the Desperate Hosewives link. Now, I'm done with 2 episodes and I'm kinda happy seeing them again. Crazy you think? haha! I love that series. I mean, SUPER! I see a lil bit of myself from everyone in there. A lil bit of Susan when she's being clumsy and cheesy with whoever she's living with, God, I couldn't believe she had 2 husbands and now she playing fire with this hot painter named Jackson. Sometimes, am like Bree Hodge when it comes to home decorating stuffs, believe me, I love decorating houses. Am a bit OC at times. Gabby was once a fashion icon and so am I. LOL (KAPAL?) I love dressing up just like her, what's wrong with that? hehe. But, am kinda upset why she changed here in Season 5. She's now a fat mom, why can't she be the other ladies there? They tend to not forget about their figure and stuff. You know what I mean? I'm a lil bit like Eddie Britt when it comes to bed. hahahahha! Ok. let's scrap that. I was just kiddin. I dont know how would I compare myself with eddie britt. LOL ok. I'm naughty just like her. Fair enough? LOL Lastly, I really see myself with Lynette Scavo. She's tough, she's lovely, she's a good mom, a good wife, and she prioritize family above all things. That's what I am. She was once distracted by other man, but later on, realized what she did was wrong and eventually went home to her husband and patch things up and you know, for her family first before herself.

I enjoyed watching desperate, if it's possible to bum in front of the computer for life I'll do it. But I need to get some rest and prepare for work tonight. DARN...

I could probably be Lynette in my future family. Am really excited bout it. Yes, I know, in God's perfect time. SURE. :)

A morning to mourn..

I just finished episodes 7-13 of Season 4 of "The Hills". Wow! I've been online since 8:00am today. Blogging and surfing the net. Nothing to do, i just don't want him to occupy my thoughts. It's not working anyway. :( The reason why I had to wake up was that I got a text message from him. It was a lovely text indeed. It made my morning very very lonely.

hi, im sorry but i cant forget this day and i cant stop myself doing this. im badly missing you babe, i love you still. Happy bday. thanks for everything. - onie

Aww. How in the world I could forget this day? it's nov 10 and we are suppose to celebrate our 103rd monthsary of togetherness. Well, if you could call it that. Hah! yea? how do we call it anyway? I dont know.

Btw, I replied and here it goes...

you know how much you mean to me. I want you to work on your case foirst, once you're free, look for me. By then, let's start a new chapter of our lives. It is hard living without you. I know it's gonna be very very lonely. But i have to do this. Take care of yourself babe. I'll wait for you. Trust me on that. - aiza

It's just sad. really. Ang dami pa namang events na magaganap sa mga susunod na araw. There goes my Birthday on the 26th of this month. Then, I'll gonna be having a long weekend after that because it's Thanksgiving in the states. Then, there's Christmas and New Year. A lot of ocassions that I will ofcourse celebrate alone. The lonesome is killing me.

I was thinking though.. Ilang birthday at pasko pa ang lilipas na wala sya? ilang problema pang personal ang lulutasin ko na magisa? Ilang gabi pang papasok ako na walang kasama? ilang gabi pang tatamarin akong pumasok na wala sya? Sa mga oras na gusto kong uminom at magpakachill sana, wala akong taong mayaya man lang na sabayan ako sa pagdurusa. I'm all down, miserable and lost. He mentioned something yesterday which really touched my heart, nasaktan ako para sa kanya. Alam ko ang paghihirap nya dun, walang may ibang alam kundi ako.

sabi nya..

Gusto ko nalang gumising kung dapat ng gumising. kapag hearing ko na dun ko nalang gusto gumising. pero kahit anong gawin ko hindi naman ako makatulog. ilang araw nakong gising. pagod nako.

Wala akong nagawa kundi yakapin sya. Iparamdam nalang sana na andito ako para sa kanya. Yet, iba narin ang decision ko. Ang lumayo, hanapin ang sarili ko. Alam kong imposible to. Pero sana wala naman kumontra na kaya ko. Di ko kelangan ng komento ng mga taong alam kong wala naman kwenta so sana pabayaan nyo akong magmourn muna for a moment. Hindi madali tong pinagdadaanan ko. Wala akong pakealam kung hindi nyo maintindihan, dahil sa pagkakaalalam ko. I never invade anyone's private's life unless they allowed me so. Kaya sana, pabayaan nyo akong manahimik. Kelangan ko to. Intindihin nyo. For the longest time, tumulong ako sa mga tao, sa mga taong mahal ko, madalas akong makinig, umunawa, magbigay ng advice, makidalamhati sa pagiisa. Sa mga rant nila, pinakinggan ko, mahirap isabay lalo na pag ganto ang sitwasyon ko. Wala nakong lakas para ituwid ang ibang buhay sa ngayon. Kung sarili ko ngang buhay, twisted, papakelaman ko pa ba ang ibang buhay ng tao. Sana maintindihan nyo, at kung hindi man... wala akong akong pakelam.

Boss, pwede magbakasyon? At pede humingi ng pampabakasyon? haha! un natawa din ako sa wakas!

Thank God for this...

This is really helping me.. Wonder if you guys need divertion as well.

Click in here to watch several series you ♥.
http://latest-episode.blogspot.com/

I am fan of The Hills
I LOve Gossip Girls
I adore Desperate Housewives
And I'm planning to watch whichever series that are in here.

Thanks to my lil sister's friend's account from multiply. Now I have this. :)

The Countdown's Soo Over

I didn't see this coming, I was hoping for the best until I recieved a godamn message from her sis telling me that the hearing was fucked up and needs to re-sched on January 28, 2009. My world literally fell down and I got a chance to burst out. It's frustrating too much that I need to take a rest and gather few of my friends then asked them for a lil support and company. I didn't work last night, that's why I'm here at home and since I am feeling disoriented and unfocused, I am now awake though I haven't had enough sleep yet.

I'm not happy that I had to wake up and rant again for the nth time regarding my oh-so-cool love life. I don't have plans of waking up. It would be better if I'll be gone for a while (or for life), or at least save myself from this unbelievable nightmare. I'm not really into taking pieces by pieces, I'm not ready for any changes, I'm even sick and tired of waiting, I could possibly kill myself because of this hatred I am feeling right now. i just couldn't understand why the fuck all these things are happening.

I'm all tired and crazy about stuffs regarding him. But why the hell I can't stop myself from caring? I myself don't know how much I love this man, I could die for him, I can do whatever shits for him, I can somehow make things possible even for other people its kinda weird. Before I was thinking, I'm doing these because I know it's all worth it. Now, I don't have any idea if this will work out. I am dumb! I FUCKIN know!

It's been a while since my last post about updates of my life. I couldn't find time to blog. Also, there's nothing new to share. No excitements and what I'm currently doing was waiting and waiting for the result yesterday. And now, evrything was clear. Clear enough for me to burst out everything! AM I DOOMED TO FAIL? shit this crazy life! I'm afraid to face another chapter of life without him totally. I don't know what to do, I really am frustrated and miserable. :(

redhorse isa pa nga! :(

I'm so jealous

I know I'm being so praning about wedding stuffs. I just couldn't help myself, but feel jealous about this. Check this out.

Doug Kramer's marriage proposal to Cheska Garcia

AND finally ..

The wedding

So lovely, soo cute, soooo sweet! :(

Just because am bored and sleepy..

I did this stupid survey.

Is there a girl/boy that knows everything or almost everything about you?
~> I guess Onie almost knows every single detail about me. Which sometimes I think is not so cool.
Have you ever made out in a public bathroom?
~> hell no!
Have you ever done something outrageously dumb?
~> yes
Have you ever had the cops called on you?
~> Thank god no.
When was the last time you danced?
~> Hmmm, I always do some weird steps. lol (pacool steps no? lol)
If you could go back in time and change one thing, would you?
~> life is getting worse, so probably yea, I'll change some of pieces of my past.
Would you ever kiss anyone 16 and over?
~> YEAH i would
Has anyone ever crawled through your window?
~> wala pa naman
Who did you last ride in a car with?
~> manong taxi driver haha
What is something you're currently frustrated about?
~> should I still need to spell it out?
Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with and who?
~> nah, i heart that guy.
How did you and your number 1 become friends?
~> He's my childhood sweetheart. aww. scrap it! haha
Does the person you like, like you back?
~> i guess so.
Do you give out second chances too easily?
~> if i think they're worth it
Who was the last person you cried in front of?
~> i can not remember. I cry on my own.
Have you told anybody you loved them today and who was it?
~> nah.
Have you ever taken a nap with a member of the opposite sex?
> yea.
Are you slowly drifting away from someone close?
~> I guess so
Do you have plans for tomorrow and wat?
~> just plain work. arg! freakin' boringggg
couldn't have kids, would you adopt?
~> yes, but i want to have kids of my own..
Have you ever lied about your age?
~> nope. I don't need to. Sabi nila. I always look younger. lol
Ever stolen something out of someone's yard?
~> flowers lang
Have you ever written anything on a bathroom wall or door?
~> jologs...haha
When playing truth or dare, which do you choose?
~> truth
Whats one thing you miss?
~> Cuddling. LOL
How long until your birthday?
~> a month from now
Who was the last person to call you?
~> Tatu
What's your favorite brand of gum?
~> Judge
Any Siblings?
~> 1 bro, 3 sis
How old is the cellphone you have right now?
~> less than a month?
Do you know anyone named Tyler?
~> nah
What was the last thing you bought?
~> yosi
Can you do a handstand?
~> yes
How many funerals have you been to in your lifetime?
~> below 10
Do you like surprises?
~> A LOT :)
Do you believe that everything happens for a reason?
~> sure
Which one of your friends do you think would make the best doctor?
~> hmmm.. i guess none. lol lahat tamad, lahat ayaw mag-alaga, gusto sila ang aalagaan. LOL
Do you wear contact lenses or glasses?
~> glasses and contax, at times
Has anyone upset you in the last week?
~> the current situation, onie, and some bitchy cab drivers.
Are you a forgiving person?
~> it deopends
What were you doing at 3 AM this morning?
~> wooorking!
Something that made you mad today?
~> nothing
Is your room clean?
~> yep
Who are your last three texts from?
~> km, gen, tatu
Where'd you get the shirt your wearing?
~> st. francis

Do you know how lucky you are?

Some people misunderstood the real meaning of happiness. I admit, most of the time I really don't know where, with whom, and how would I get this particular feeling. All of us are seeking and longing for this. At some point, we actually don't seem to understand that we are already happy, what's really bugging us is that, we are not contented of what we have, what we are, and where we are.

Ok. lemme get straight to the point. I have a friend. Who's very very lucky but she didn't know she was. So I was having a good conversation with her last night, and since we lack time for she has to leave and my shift just started, I told her I'll gonna post an entry for her about what I'd want tell her exactly.

For the past few months or weeks probably, I haven't seen this girl. I text her at times, but seldomly we exchanged messages because we have different shifts. It's kinda obvious that this girl is one of my favorites among my friends, I believe each of my buddies are unique by personalities and I kinda had a lot of good and bad times with her before compared to others. Somewhat, she didn't leave me behind and tried her best to be a perfect friend so I am really grateful having her around. :) (thanks buddy I owe you one!) So yeah, to reciprocate whatever she did for me before, I am now trying my best to be a perfect friend to her as well.

At this point of time, I know she's in the midst of her searching, seeking for someone to be with her for the rest of her lives. But yeah, we know this prob is very very common to us girls that we badly want to meet Mr. Right at this age. However, it wasn't that easy. The searching continues each and everyday and we all hope that whoever would be the lucky man who'll be our other halves would be the ideal man we have from our dreamland. So yeah, this friend of mine reached the peak of her boiling point. She even want to go to Baclaran and pray really hard to our Lord God for his Mr. Right. She was so frustrated that she went to me and ask help to get over this feeling or help her find Mr. Right.

As a good friend, first thing I did was to enlighten her how lucky she is without a boyfriend. There are other things which we should prioritize than ranting about not having a boo by our side. Should I need to mention this for her to realize how blessed she is? This girl is a rich kid, a programmer, a dean's lister way back in college (haha), so she's smart and I tell you what? This girl is a chick. She doesn't have vices and yah.. ok ok.. she's really nice. A perfect description for her is--opposite of me. LOL

The second step I did was to search some of guy friends from my phonelist. My plan is to text them regarding courting this girl. LOL. And yeah I did! To my surprise, 2 friends replied. So, it was definitely a successful task! GREAT!

I know, what we did was weird, but I seriously wanted to help you search for Mr. Right. Who knows this guy might be him! hehehehe.



haha! Like I said, I'd be grateful seing you happy and contented. Girl, I wish you and him will be together really soon, and when I say soon, I'm hoping for like next week. LOL. (Ang tagal e!)

On Saturday, I wish I could come. I won't forget texting everyone if I'm coming.. So guys, see you when I got to see ya all!

Geni, Cheer up! Stop being paranoid about having a boyfriend or what, in God's perfect time... (sana sinasabi ko rin to sa sarili ko no? LOL)

Fine! I'm done with this! :D

Who the hell cares..

... if Christmas is really fast approaching?

Shopping is the only way I could make myself somewhat happy so I need to go to the mall once in a while, but what the heck! there's already christmas songs playing all over the malls which I really can not take. Okay. I'm being too bitter about it. I honestly do not want that holiday season to come. It's just that, for me, holidays are for happy couples, and I don't belong to that crowd! I feel so awful hearing "silver bells" and "santa claus is coming to town" songs, samahan mo pa ng tagalog na... "sana ngayong pasko ay maalala mo paren ako" whatever shit songs!

ok ok. this is soo not fair!! I can not believe I'll celebrate Christmas alone for the second time! His folks promised me, we'll be together this Christmas, and okay i wanna messaged him some bitchy text messages like. "Hey, do you even know what's the date today? Do you even know Christmas is fast approaching? What happened to your promise? Again, I know you're suffering too.. BUT SERIOUSLY, IF HE'LL NOT CELEBRATE CHRISTMAS WITH ME THIS YEAR, I THINK I'LL GONNA DIE LITERALLY!"

God! I'm feeling helpless. I don't want this feeling. or should I say, i want this feeling to end!

Please NO CHRISTMAS SONGS for me, or even christmas tree or christmas stuffs! Damn it! I'm soo outta here!

We should be apart, babe..

How can you say it's too much already? I really don't know when to stop caring for a person who's been a part of me since HS. I had enough, but still I can't manage to let go and be brave to tell him on his face that I'm happy no more. Ok. Cut the latter part. I actually did last Sat. But, you see he gave in once again and did his lil drama and all. So what's gonna be my reaction after that? Of course, was to be silent and yea, accept the fact that I should stay and wait for whatever shit am waiting for the longest time.

I do love this man. I actually wanna marry him someday. If he's available right now, I'll be the one to insist marrying him right then and there. Yea, I am that stupid and crazy over this guy. As for him? I don't know. I actually do not know if he knows the real definition of what we call L♥VE.

Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous;

love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly;

it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered,

does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth;

bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

Love never fails...But now faith, hope, love, abide these three; but the greatest of these is love.

--- 1 Corinthians 13:4-7,13

So there, I must say, yeah, I still love this man. But what am I suppose to do when I really need to let go because I'm fuckin' stressed and hurt at the same time...

Last time we talked about our wrecked relationship, I was totally crying like hell. I got real big eyebags that I barely open my eyes. :( It was indeed one of my saddest nights of my life. Crap! I asked him, how would he kiss me if that night would be his last time to see me. Then he was like really silent and stiff, not even looking at me. To break the silence, I cared to scream, WHAAAAAAAAAAT?? are we going to stare each other until tomorrow or you'll show me how you'll gonna kiss me goodbye for the fuckin' last time...

Then he go like..

There will be no goodbye kiss for us. Because this is not the ending, there will be no ending for us babe.

I'm like..

Fuck that! I really don't care what life will treat me after this, I just wanna be out of this shitty relationship that gives me a lot of pains and heartaches, and frustartions. I seriously wanna die! Can you like kill me, so I could die beside you, I do not want to continue my life after this. I'm feeling crappy and all. What I want is for you to have a normal life with me outside this awful place. I am bloody miserable!

The story ends there, becuase I fell asleep when I was crying. :( I went home by 10pm. It was indeed a tiry day/night. Still am undecided. I don't know where we stand. I feel crappy and bad.

Life.. Oh Life..