But lemme first say this, congratulations to my sister! She just gave birth to her first baby boy.. John Paul. Here's the cute pic.
See below my cute nephews and niece, how grateful I am having them. Still wondering when would I have my own kid? hehehe.
Life's been the same. I had no new stories to share. Same old rants. Same old shits. Very very dull life. :( sigh This isn't healthy anymore.
Hubby and I had a lil' arguement. This is about me, him, and the rest of the people around us. I don't know if I should disclose everything here in my blog. I wanted to burst out. I wanted to say everything, I wanted to scream and tell the whole world that I am GODAMN mad of what have had happened. It is obviously I am doing all the possible things in this earth to make everything cool about this not-so-normal relationship, but what else could they want me to do? Am I saying it right? Errr.. It's getting into my nerves. Seriously!
We had a nice talk though. He had his realizations and I had mine. Good thing, I left before the the night came. I was really exhausted and finally I arrived home. I got to manage playing with our new angel and chatting with my sisters. I was envious of them holding their cute lil angels and trying to give milk from their own breasts. Sigh. I can feel a lot of pressure this time! I wanna have my own! I wanna build my own family! I wanna be happy just like them! Oh my! Why all of a sudden I keep on insisting of getting married, of having my own child, of moving out of this house and kinda like living on my own with my wishful-thinking husband to be. Pressured? Me? C'mon! YAH! I AM!
Currently and with all honesty, I am really really lonely. Been alone for 1 year and a half now i guess, I always had this urge of thinking why would I settle to be like this, when I could always look for a new one? or be available instead? It's my own choice, I have all the means anyway, who would force me not to do this? No one right? hmmmm.
BUT (yeah I have a big but here)
I am still counting on having hope that someday, the one I wanted to be my other half for the rest of my life will definitely be available 24/7 of his life and by then on, we'll have a PEACEFUL, meaningful, simple or glamorous life as what we wanted it to be.
I am still holding on... this is really me.. I am dumb.. yeah seriously...
