Christmas blues..
Why am I always feeling this for the past weeks? Christmas is just around the corner, I must be excited to celebrate it with my whole clan. But still, the feeling is different. While everybody is busy with christmas wishlist, and shopping for the noche buena next week, I am still dealing with work. Have you heard of the news that most people will have 2 weeks vacation starting next week (starting nov 24 - jan 5)? Yea. Cool right? It wasn't intended for me and the rest of the call center industry I guess. Well, lucky us, we'll receive double pays and stuffs, but still... If you'll think about it though, you'll end up ranting, WTF! It's always been merrier bumming around the house, chillin with friends during holiday season. Right? Good news for my normal friends ;)
Christmas is one of my favorite holiday of the year. But this time, I guess I'm not going to enjoy it for the second time around. I grew up celebrating this holiday with my Deniña clan. Food are great, overflowing drinks, funny games, bonding with cousins, music & bands, and tons of gifts. We also have a tradition (we call it "papila") of giving money to all children and those who are still studying or those who don't have work yet. I'll give you a hint how many are falling in line and will receive 20's 40's or 50's this year. My last count was 61. Yea, we're a big fam indeed! Yearly, we are very excited because of that. And to tell you, I already graduated being one of the "pumipila". :) Year 2005, I started working so meaning, I'll be one of those who will give money for the "papila" thing. Giving such worth to all my cousins is one of my achievement at that time. I was blessed with work and I earn more than enough so I tend to share. I love the feeling of sharing blessings to those who are in need. Another tradition is the exchange gift. For adults we have worth 100 and for children / babies, worth 50. That cheap. Yes I know. We might not receive an extravagant material thing but I tell you what, you'll feel the real spirit of Christmas. :)
I keep on saying I couldn't feel the spirit of the holidays these past few days, not until I felt the breeze of the air. Paskong pasko. Nakakalungkot lalo. But what I'm saying here is that, at this moment, Christmas is very very different compared when I was a child. I was once a caroler, I can't help but to ask my big bro to let me join him and his buddies caroling within the village. It was cool and I'm really enjoying it. Now, I seem to not hear even one caroler in our place. Weird for me. heh! So, yea, what else do I miss about the past? Of course my gifts from my godparents. Funny because I don't see them that much. I don't know them actually. Unlike my siblings they have godparents from my relatives. Me? My ninongs and ninangs are from my parents friends way back when they were in their early 30's I guess, so meaning, that was when my mom was still with Veteran's Bank and my father was still in the marines being a soldier. haha! Dude, I really don't see my godparents, but I do received gifts. They tend to send it home. Just that, no show. Even so, I appreciate it much and ofcourse I enjoyed their expensive gifts from Rustans. LOL
Of course, what I really miss is celebrating the day itself with my complete fam. Next week will be a Christmas without my big bro again. I miss him so much. He's the coolest kuya ever. I swear! I love him so much and I miss him dearly. I got teary eyed whenever he sings the song "Sana ngayong Pasko". It's his song for us each time Christmas is fast approaching. We might not have the bestest food on our table during noche buena, we might not have new dresses, we might not receive glamorous gifts from our folks, still we're complete. That's the most important for me.
Ha! I'm being too serious with this post huh. Well, obviously I'm really serious and I couldn't find time to smile today. Except earlier, while I was chatting with an old best friend Anna, whom I call "Baneng", she cracked me up and I thanked her for that.
I am frustrated about this holiady season. I am missing a lot. Everything about Onie and I used to do. Shopping in Glorietta, BF Parañaque Ruins bazaar, Christmas party with friends and batchmates, reunion here and there. I miss our tradition of gift giving. Onie's really a one heck of a sushal magbigay ng gift. LOL We just didn't see this coming. I mean, the situation we are into right now. We could have been in cloud nine if this didn't happen. Well, I still couldn't say so. We might end the relationship before then. I must admit, our relationship was on-the-rocks at that time. Fights every now and then. So I don't know if in case he wasn't there, I dont know if we're still together now. We actually didn't talk about marriage then. I am so much inlove with him, that I'd really wanna do the popping of question. I'm super
dumb I know. But what can I do? Hell I'm inlove! LOL
So there. this post is already long and full of emotions. Haaay, I can't wait for Christmas and New Year. These holiday season must end already, I need to look forward to my future, to our future. I'm excited at the same time scared. I don't know, I just couldn't help, but feel scared about life after this year. Weird? hah! I know. :D
