Steady Christmas

I remember last year we cooked a lot of food, I got tons of presents for my godchildren and family and yea I was actually preparing myself for the night. But I was too exhausted that I can't even eat noche buena with my entire fam. I was asleep the whole night and got up the next day to prepare for the family reunion. Last year, I was too depressed. Same feeling I had last December Twenty Five, Two Thousand and Seven. Very far from what I felt last December Twenty Five, Two thousand and Six. It was a blast! I have my family, my friends, I got a great job, and most especially I have my other half. It was indeed a fun fun night. When all I knew was having fun and not exactly entertaining the reality we had at that moment.

Three years have passed and somewhat I became numb with the feeling of being sad. Yea, I'm still actually a lil bit into it, but not totally depressed compared to the last 2 years. Maybe because the feeling is already in my system and now I know how to control it and I know when to ignore it. This year was still a roller coaster ride for me. Different challenges, tons of happenings, a lot of special and not so special dates. Many people I encountered. People who came and who were gone. People who stayed and whom I asked to let go. This year, blessings were over flowing. Thanks to BRO who didn't left me behind. Who stayed with me all the time. BRO, I wouldn't be this strong if I don't have YOU in my life! Thanks for listening to my rants and thanks for guiding me all through out. Without YOU, I am nothing. I can not survive without YOU.

Three years have passed, still I'm here, standing but no longer fighting. I am okay. Better compared before. I've done so many things in my life. Some I regret and some were really cherished. I love the people around me. Those who came by and to those who stayed. I've learned a lot of things and I wouldn't be this strong without all the experience I've been through.

It's one hour to go, and we'll be celebrating BRO's Birthday! We wont be having it as fancy as last year perhaps. But I'm happier now. I didn't go to mass yet, I know BRO understood how dead tired my body is. He knows in my heart and in my mind, I'm celebrating His big day full of LOVE, HOPE, and PEACE!

I might be alone again now. Meaning without other half by my side. Admitting it'll be wonderful celebrating this special occassion with someone else. But yea, I know BRO has His own reason why I'm alone. It could be:
1. He'll bless me with new partner in life.
2. Ex and I will be reconciled for the 4th time here in the outside world. or
3. BRO wanted me to take care of my parents as they grow old.

Whatever BRO plans for me, I'll embrace it whole heartedly.

One hour to go, I might not again eat with my fam same as last year. But I definitely could say.... I'm happier now. I'm more focused and I'm not gonna sleep with a tear in my eyes but a smile in my heart.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BRO! Cheers!