I'll Be Over You. I Should.

How will I start this? I want something different now. I dont want a dramatic exit afterwards. I want to have good goodbyes. Yet, I dont want to end this soon. But I really have to or he'll die, I'll die, or we'll die. :(

It's barely 10:30am when I woke up. Hurridly brushed my teeth, washed my face and took a fast wash and changed new clothes. Seen my lil big sis working her ass in front of the computer, reminding her not to sleep because the webcam is on. I don't want to get up. As a matter of fact, I didnt take a bath. The heat of the sun is killing me and I am still freakin' dog tired. But I need to go, and visit my man. He needs to see me. He needs company. I need to see him as well. So I oblidged.

I hand him the food I bought, he just woke up. So, he greeted me with a frown. I asked for a kiss, he gave me a pat on my cheek. WTF. He's not in the mood, while I'm ecstatic to share some stories. He said he was up early since he's waiting for me. I was like, I'm bloody tired, I hope you understand and he just gave a grin on me. WTF. I wished he appreciates how I care for him. I always do find time to visit him. I only wish he understands my situation outside. I wish sometimes he'll not think of himself for once, just for once. Living outside his world is completely different from mine.

His life:
He waits for his food to arrive. He take a bath 3 times. He writes letters when he's in the mood. He plays chess. He deals with sleepless nights and days. He scribbles. He watches TV. Chill. That's his life.

My life:
Wake up at 730pm. Go to work at 9pm or 10pm. Deal with my tasks. Deal with my bills. Deal with traffic and shits. Deal with my everyday food. Deal with sleepless days. Go home during weekends. Visit him on Saturdays or Mondays. That's my life. BORING and stressful.

So we were having a good laugh while he's sharing some thoughts, I accidentally fell asleep which made him frown again. I heard him saying, "minsan nalang tayo magkita tutulgan mo pako" I said sorry and explained I really need to rest or I'll collapse. He oblidged but ofcourse I see him frown and disappointed. So I need to deal with his tantrums and I got pissed a lil bit. We end up fighting. The next thing I knew was I was about to tell him everything about this some dude. What a crap!!!!! I made him cry. :( I feel so sorry. He asked, what am I supposed to do? Then I really answered brutally, "I wanna choose him over this shitty relationship!" Then he burst into tears. :( million tears. :(

He asked me to stop this craziness. Choose between them. WOW LANG.
I left him at 7pm. We're fine now. We're ok. We'll move on. Now I know, he'll going to remind me everyday about this cheating i just did. As for me. IT'S NOT CALLED CHEATING.

Life's too unfair

Message for you, dude:
Thanks for coming into my life. I wont reply anymore. I'm sorry. I really am sorry.