The One

My other half, my best friend, my shock absorber, my star, my only one, my beloved, my hubby, used to become my hunny and baby, my bee, my soulmate, my ever loyal boyfriend, my man, my love, my reason of living, my life, the one who i wanted to live my life with for the next 100 years of my life.. my eternity...

Happy 8th year anniversary. You mean so much to me that no one knows how exactly what I feel for you. I love you hubby. You rule my world!

Random Thoughts

I do not have anything in mind right this moment, but I had this urge of letting something to blurt out, something that i wanna write about even without thinking of anything to write. i don't have biggie problems, nor having issues from my past but there's this... ahhh i don't know... just come with me and hear me blow... :(

There's no particular thing that makes me upset right now, but i'm kind of you know, sad and not feeling okay. i really don't know why. Prolly, this could be the emptiness once again. I feel so alone. Well, yea! Literally, I'm alone in this area that's why I had the guts of blogging again. I don't have anyone to talk to, to take a break, or even to have a stick of yosi down stairs. There's no one in here, that is prolly the reason why I'm upset.

I woke up really early a while ago. Earlier than the usual waking hours i used to do before. Somewhat, I like the feeling, since I didn't had a hard time going to the office without my cousins accompanying me to get a ride. Just so you know, the vicinity where I live right now is not so nice that someone should come along with me going to the office or at least up until I rode a jeepney/cab/fx. After logging in YM, I went to the pantry and let coke subside my thirsty throat. (Could it be the reason of me being so weird now? because instead of coffee, i chose to drink a glass of coke? hmmm..) So I proceeded to my unfinished tasks yesterday. Late last week, I loved the feeling of being busy because of work. My drive for work was really strong then. Just after this weekend, all turned out the other way around. I somehow, do not know where to start. I got tons of tasks to do, but nothing would be accomplished prolly today because I do not have drive for work. Sad, because part of me wanted to finish all these before my boss arrive from abroad trip...

Tasks accomplished before blogging:
1. Read/Answered all important emails
2. Went over shop4teeshirts again. Revised 4 pages.
3. Submitted articles to article submission.

Wow! Great job! I thought I wasn't working at all.

*my phone alarmed!*

Now, I have the means of blogging! WTF! It's our 8th anniversary!

Time Check: 11:44pm 16 mins after, the date will be April 10, 2008... Now, I understand why I am upset, seriously, I while ago, I do not have any idea why I have this kind of feeling. Kaya naman pala. :(

I miss you hubby.. happy 8th year anniversary. Whatever you're doing right now. I want you to know, how much I miss you. See you soon. :(

So, all in all, hubby and I were together for 2,920 days now. Let's continue the count down...

Dream House

Look at that, it's a typical house I got from Google Images, I was inlove by it the moment I saw it. A two-storey house, with veranda on the 2nd floor, without gate, and full of green plants around it. I have this thought of having that kind of home when I grew up, when I have my family on my own, I wanted them to live to a place just like this. I am dreaming of having a loving husband with 2 cute kids in the future. I want them to be at ease to where they would live. I am struggling now, working really hard for me to be able to start having my own investments. Now, I have this house from a humble place. I started to transact things last year and finally we are settling down to business. It's a low-cost housing. A small place to live in. I have great plans on that house and I believe it'll come true in God's time. I am thankful to my mom, without her, I would not pursue on things just like these. She helped me a lot in times of legal documents and legal transactions that I myself do not understand at all. I have to seek for comments and ideas from her. So, now, I have this two-storey home--a duplex one. I am really excited seeing it, perfectly made and seeing a good family living in there. I am planning of taking things slow. I am actually planning of not occupying the space but to make it available for other people. Whoever could rent it so that I could earn from it. Great idea right? I'll keep everyone posted to when it could be available for occupancy. I know it would take time, because we have to fix things first. We have to put on screens and grills for the windows and screen for the doors, so that it would be safe for the tenants to live in there.

On my part, I actually wanted to have space on my own near my work, living with relatives is OKAY but I'm not contented with it. On the other hand, whenever I'm counting on things I need to settle for bills and things I need to pay, I turn to "saka na!" thought. Things will happen in due time also with God's permission. Thank God for supporting me achieving one of my dreams!

At least we had fun

I thought it'll gonna be a night full of celebrities from "Eat Bulaga" that night. I was actually expecting, EB babes, sexbomb dancers, allan k., wallie, etc will be there. Thinking that it is an anniversary celebration, the owner must be present in the event. Unfortunately, there were few celebrity guests arrive. Francis M., Julia Clarete, Sugar, and Ate Gay made it! I had the best laugh that night. I thought it'll gonna be the same jokes and presentation, good thing all were different. At first, I was hesitant to go to Ortigas. I was not in the mood to go out. I wanted to stay home and be at peace for one whole night. Since I was the one who ask them to join me prior that date, I was oblidge to come. But thank goodness I decided to go there. Again, I had the best laugh with my friends. You can take wa lil peek of what happened from Geni's Multiply Site. Complete photos were posted there.

A night to laugh

Hey hey! Later tonight, Gen, Aileen, Gaze, and I will surely have a good laugh at Zirkoh Greenhils! I got 2 complementary tickets! and one ticket can accpet two people. Good deal! YEy! See you guys! Let's forget all about the shits of our lives! heheheh. Come with me and let's do all the laughing there! LOL :))

Mindoro Sling

Sarah's inviting me to join them at Galera! I was excited bout it! But I kinda had a feeling of not coming with them. It'll gonna be fun for sure! But the thing is, everyone is having their boos on their side. It'll going to be rj-sarah, tj-malou, and carmi-jhap plus ME. WTF! could you imagine that? hahahhaha! Me, solo flight! I could imagine me walking by myself, eating by myself, swimming by myself! Oh shoot! I pity myself. :(( double the sadness. I don't know if I'll still join them on the 18th. But wtf! I'd love to smell the cool breeze of Galera again, I wanna become tan, I wanna ride the banana boat, i wanna be drunk stoned at galera! I wanna party til dawn at the shore, i wanna meet a lot of people. I wanna go to Galera! But could I just ignore the thought of seeing them as a happy couple? Then me on my own? F*ck up! I hate happy couples! ahahahhaha! talking bout bitterness!

Should I still join them?

No Show

My shift yesterday was so-so. I got to finish some tasks but unfortunately not all. Time's being inconsistent. Late last last week up until Wednesday, it was been very very hectic and fast. Came Thursday, my life's been change and so was my routine, and I was wondering why again. All of a sudden, the real me came back. full of angst, full of questions to ask, no drive for work, lazy, and inconsistent. And I was not happy about that. I want the new me to drive my life consistently. Knowing great outcomes came my way since I started to feel positive. I'd like to continue what I was since I started going to work again.

Negative vibes started to touch my life once again when I received this text from someone, about him. It obviously made my day sucks. I know somehow, I kinda left this issue i have to face behind lately, for me to be able to continue my life without fear, and angst. I wanted to stay calm and ignore the feeling. I wanted to stay positive because I am actually loving my life now. I do not say, I totally forget all about him. For everybody knows my life's going back to same old thing during weekends. So, it doesn't actually count that I totally erased him into my life. In fact, in between my sleepless days, (yes days!) there are times, his face, our memories and past still bugging me and letting me feel, he still exist. I do not feel any shit about that. In fact, it made me smile somehow, coz i guess he's been thinking about me, during nights and days, 24/7 of his life. I was not being conceited here. I really felt that. Because he tells me that every weekends. And by chance I actually feel that feeling without seeing him everyday!

If I'll gonna be totally honest here, I would say. I miss him dearly. I miss everything, and wanting to be beside him once again, made me realize how much I do love this man.

But there's a question been in my mind lately. Again, "how long this would take?" It's been year and a half. Who would ever choose to be in this kind of situation? I admit, most of the time, I feel empty, I feel alone, I feel really sad, and somehow I feel no one is chasing me behind this battle. I was alone facing this fear. No one really knows what exactly I feel about this.

*Sigh

I left the office yesterday at 9:30 am. Travelling from Ortigas to Alabang took 40 mins of my time. On my way home, I was actually thinking if I'll go see him and be with him up until night, (that's actually my routine during saturdays) even my body was dog tired. Considering I rode a bus going to Alabang only, that already answered where am I dealing the rest of the day---at my crib. I chose of staying home instead, and be with my fam since I miss everyone. At the village, when the tricycle's already approaching our humble home, I see my sisters passing by, I shouted at them with a big smile... then they say, "hop on! you come with us." Since yea! I miss the two, I agreed on joining them. My preggy sister will go to the hospital and have her check up, and this hospital is near to his place. Get it? What a sign! Arg! Should I actually visit him? After hospital, we decided to visit my nephnew near the area. Thank God I was able to see this kid! he's actually one of my happiness and strength. That time I still have this go-and-visit-him thought. While we were watching the telly, I fell asleep. I woke up at 7:30pm. We have to go home. We ate dinner first. So, while on our way to the main road, was still thinking if I'll drop by to him just to say hi and sorry of not coming. But decided not to. On his part, he didn't gave me a text or any note about how have he been doing lately. So what's our score now? Are we on fight? Do we have to settle for something? Do we have to patch things up? He didn't know I was having these thoughts anyway, why should he feel mad if ever? HAHA! i'm bloody paranoid!

This morning, I woke up at around 5am. Too early, for I had a loooooong sleeping hours, like all in all i had 13.5 hours of sleep. gee! haha!

I was just waiting for the right time, i'll take a bath, and i'll go visit him. Haha! Oh well, my story continues here...

How 'bout you?

33 words

Speed test

She Says...

Of all the people I could ever imagine me ranting my same old shits with.. I didn't realize that would be her--KAY. My oh-so-dear friend from the BRONX. LOL :)) (chika lang!) I've known her for like almost 3 yrs now i guess, and she's been my yosi buddy and kachikahan all the time when it comes to yeah boys, work, love life, fam, everything we could ever think of. She has this funny side and mind you she got this wits and charm. I just love how she talks and how she carries herself. She's cool, she's HOTTIE and did I mention she's a model? Hell yeah!

Anyways, I started my day with a frown a while ago for I had a bad sleep. I couldn't find way to sleep yet I was dead tired and feeling exhausted. Though I had the best laugh before going home with my colleagues, all went to down and my mood turned to what I call reality! *Sigh

Since the day I went back here, I seemingly give myself a break with all the negative vibes coming my way. I decided to set aside all the shits I've been going through and just think of my career, fam and friends. I wanted to stay happy for once. Being alone is not so cool as what I've expected knowing I came from serious realtionship. Letting go was never been easy for me since then. The feeling of having TONS OF FRIENDS aound you sometimes makes me think couldn't help me moving on.. Don't get me wrong... coz whenever I am with you guys, I feel blessed and contented, on the other hand, the feeling fades out at the end of the day when all I have is myself and the shit from my past. Yeah! That could be hard if I'll stick into my mind everything everyday! But c'mon people! How could you manage this situation? I've been dealing with this a year and a half i guess and the question hangin in my mind now is "How long this would take?"

Can someone shoot me NOW? I wanna end up everything with just a snap of my fingers, I wanna come out of this situation seeing myself not hurting at all. that's being crazy i know, but that's the only thing i am wishing for.

Move on little by little, he has to figure out his own shit first, then if by chance in the future you bump each other's face again, from there you'll know what will be next. Love will find it's way... -- Kay says.

Awwww

F*ckness :( (double the ouch! sigh)

Pressured

Ok. It's 1:07 am now, and I arrived here at 11:08 pm... So that means I had two hours of my time sitting here and dealing with tons of tasks. After logging in to YM, a good friend pop me saying.. "Yosi muna bago ang lahat!" I'm like.. "Wow kakarating ko lang. Try mong chumill!" LOL :))

I was feeling devastated yesterday, I couldn't find time to chill out and make some noise to make the day even lighter. Shellie caught me working my ass here in my seat when all she wanted is someone to talk to regarding her rants about some sort of ish. I got to talk to her before she blurt out in the floor. So there, I had a stick of yosi yesterday.. YEAH! just one! good thing!

Before I ended my day yesterday, I sent an email to boss showing my draft and plans about this new project. Then, just today, received a reply from him that I have to finish all pages until the end of the week. Holy molly! I don't know if I can do that, but since my boss is pretty nice and understanding, I'll do my very best to accomplish everything up until Friday. The thing is, there are some other tasks which needed hands-on and emergency revisions, that I say, needs a lot more time.. So how will manage these things?

Funny thing though, I had a chance reading my horoscope for today. It says:

career
April 1, 2008
You may not like the poking and prodding that comes from other people, but this is their way to get you moving in a positive direction. Trying to resist this action will only make things worse. You might as well get moving - the sooner the better.

Here's my tarot for the day:
You’re not in a mood today to accept the kind of love that’s all embracing and doesn’t leave you room to breathe, dear aiza. So if your partner shows any signs of possessiveness, you’re in danger of over-reacting and creating an issue. The combination of The Hanged Man and the Sun points to a certain degree of irritation in relation to any constraints on the emotional level, especially within a committed relationship. You’re prepared to go to any lengths in order to preserve your liberty. At work, you have the vague feeling that you're not being given the freedom you need to do your job properly. The Hanged Man is placing you in an uncomfortable situation, confronting you with delays and obstacles that you can do nothing about. It's all bound to make you feel very frustrated and discouraged! Take a deep breath and keep your cool.

Once again, I'm not a believer of this crap. Whether or not this is true, I find it funny coz it always, yeah! always gives me exact things I really do encounter in real life!

Better start working on things... the clock's been ticking and I should really pay off what boss just gave me and render at least my very best on this next project I am into right now. :)

Ciao!