Risk I Am Taking

Have been in a long relationship for the longest time. I admit, everything wasn't perfect then. But I was happy indeed! happy figuring out if this journey we are dealing is really for the both of us, if it's really worth it to hang on or stay, if we are really destined together. We used to have fights and petty quarels before. For the longest time, I felt that I was the only one who's giving such love that everyone is looking for until the destiny find its way where he could finally feel how much i am giving or how much I am suffering.

My life was an open book to all those who know me well, wasn't my idea to make it too open though, it's really an open book for those who witnessed what's happening. It's actually hard to keep the situation within myself or with the immediate family members only, somewhat we knew everything will be spilled out as time goes by. It was no good to tell everyone about it. Because the scenario was too sentitive to share yet, eventually I came out from my acting drama that i was feeling OKAY and GOOD at that time. It happened that I can no longer take what's going on so I opt to share it with my folks. Luckily and with all the blessings from the Lord, they understood where I am coming from at that time. Knowing my rents, you won't figure out how did i manage to explain everything without them seeing becoming hysterical. :)

We are just like those normal boyfriend-girlfriend relationship. He's my best bud and my shock absorber in all aspects. Sometimes, I do have these urge of looking beyond our relationship. Yes! We get along, but I always have these thoughts of him not thinking about our future or even getting married soon. He doesn't have any idea about it since, yeah! I don't wanna pressure him as well as I don't want to get disappointed at some point. So, what happened for the longest time was only me whose hoping of walking through the isle together with all the important people in my life including him waiting for me beside his folks at the front of the priest.

People keep on giving advices whenever I am having doubts of my feelings. A lot from his friends told me to get rid of him because what his doing were not so good not only by the law but also in the eyes of The Great One above. A lot from my girl friends were telling me to break up with me. Their reasons? They got tons! and this page won't be enough for the list. :D I was frustrated then, but then again, as they say, "At the end of the day, it'll be my call". Sure!

So there, that's why I'm here still hanging around. Nothing to do but frown. hahaha! that's a lyrics from a song. Seriously though, I stick with him, because I love him dearly and the same goes with him. I know he loves me. he really does. We're very positive about it.

For so many reasons I love this man, not only because he makes me smile, but because I think he's the ONE. (naks!) not only because he treated me nice, but because I can see my future with him. I got to have this picture of my future living with him in one roof and we got kids. :) I love this man, because he completes me. :)

There are some ways to figure out you are still inlove:
♥ if you couldn't stay home without him by your side.
♥ if you still put a smile in your face regardless of what's going on with your relationship.
♥ if you don't allow wrong things he's been up to.
♥ if you are willing to risk hard things for the sake of love.
♥ if the kilig is still there despite all the situation going on.

I must say, these could also be cause of stupidity. (toinks!) BUT we have to consider things such these for us to know if we are in the right track though:

♥ if both parties are willing to compromise whenever problem occurs.
♥ if both parties are following some of THE RULES.
♥ if both of you are considerate.
♥ if God is still at the center of your relationship

some pointers to consider if you would want to break up with your partner.
♥ if you're no longer happy with the situation
♥ if you are just forcing yourself to do the deed just for the sake of doing it.
♥ if you no longer learn something new with each other.

I could be a love guru at times, but I tell you I'm still in the midst of my searching. Searching for for rights answers to sooo many questions in my mind.

I am inlove with the word LOVE. get it? yeah! am so much inlove. And I am loving the feeling :) I do hope we'll end with each other. :) I do hope I wouldn't hear again the i-told-you-so sermon part from my friends and folks!

*keep my fingers cross*
Happy weekend everyone :)

A Must Try

Thanks to my new officemate!

She received her first ever paycheck in her entire life! YEY! I remember when I received mine, I was really excited that I actually forgot I have to budget it for my allowance! Good Lord! LOL I didn't know! I was too young and immature to budget. heheh! What I did was to shop and shop and shop. heheheh!

My officemate brought us to Libis and we tried the "Something Fishy" resto. Oh boy! I'm telling you It's a must try place. Very affordable.

Breakfast meal
Buffet style
Eat all you can from 12mn - 10am
For only 114.

How about that?

Boy I was really overwhelmed with the food! heheheh! I enjoyed it and planning to try it again. :)

bitterness

Goodmorning everyone!

What's good in the morning when you've learned that your great love way back from highschool is finally engaged and finally settling down anytime soon? Wow! what a shock for me when I see pictures of his and who else? The girl from highshcool also. That girl who every guys been eyeing. She's the girl next door type and I must say, she's pretty and nice. Everybody loves her. Because she's too shy and timid. she's naive and pleasant. Her personality is waaaay too far from these students of 3rd year who are known to be the mean girls and bitches! (woah! zip it! could you control your feelings? are you talking about us? my group of friends to be exact?!) Well, yeah we are not that shy and timid. Oh honestly, we are not even close to that. I was just wondering... why people get it wrong for those girls who are actually misbehaving way back high school. I mean, yeah! we are not that fan of those geeky types of students. We even don't go to class in time. I myself confess, I use to cheat in exams. We've been in detention for couple of times. But I must say, we are not that mean and if you could only knew, we are lovable indeed! I should not broadcast this thing actually, yea! we are that bitch but we don't need to take an effort to be in the horor roll list! Heck! We are smart and we don't need mountains of books to achieve such medals during recognition days. Coz what we wanted to say is that... We know how to chill and we know when to chill. That is!

Yeah! Pathetic!

Why would I emphasize things like these? haha! because a lot of people misunderstood us. Being mean sometimes doesn't mean we are evil. We just know how to express ourselves. We don't care what people might say. What important is we know when to react and we know how to respond.

Am i getting your attention now?

I am just bloody confused why these timid-shy-naive-girls are the ones who are very blessed with really good looking guys plus potentials on the side. YEAH! now I admit it! I am envious of them. I actually do not want to elaborate on things. I just want to make it clear, I adore that guy before, I even did nasty things for a proffessor just to get his name or whatever. Let's just say, letting this entry published would help me get over seeing their lovely pics on the net. haha! I was just not ready to see those. Wasn't really expecting they'll end up together. Wasn't also expecting this guy would broadcast his love and affection with this lovely lass. Yea! they look absolutely happy together. plus the fact that they look so contented with each other. Oh well, am happy for the both of them! REALLY am happy now.

bored

I'm broke and unhappy.
I'm poor and still am kind.
I'm shorty but am definitely sexy. yeah!!

woah! wataday! I can't write anything about whatever. I'm so not in the mood to do something else. I just wanna continue bumming around the house. I've been wishing to have a holiday in the states for like a week. I'd be the happiest creature in the planet. Needless to say, I'm bored. Bored of everything. Prolly because I'm broke. As in I got no moolah in my wallet. Plus am tired with my hair. I wanna visit the Salon in galleria. Haaay.. Waiting for 9am is like waiting for the end of the world. This is not so cool I know. It's 8:24 now and I'm about to sign off!

What I Miss Doing

I miss going to:
With Onie during:
Doing:

1. Church.
2. Sundays.
3. Attending mass.

4. Alabang Town Center.
5. Saturday s or Mondays.
6. Chilling or shopping.

7. Let’s Face It.
8. Weekdays.
9. Having my nails done or foot spa/facial.

10. Animal Shop.
11. Weekdays.
12. Buying dog food for his pets.

13. Festival Mall.
14. Saturdays or Mondays.
15. Dating

16. Bf Parañaque.
17. Saturday Nights.
18. Chilling with friends. Drinking booze all night long.

19. Las Piñas.
20. Whenever we’re free.
21. Playing billiards.

22. Along the village.
23. Everyday.
24. Doing errands or just road tripping or smoking or simply chilling.

25. His place.
26. Everyday.
27. Cuddling.

28. Out of town.
29. Holidays.
30. Just savoring the moment or travelling.

Long weekend

I wasn’t that excited of celebrating the holiday of the states for I don’t have any plans at all, plus I only got Php1400 in my wallet until payday. How will I manage that? Anyhow, I left the office last Friday shift at 12:30pm, yes! I have to leave that late, because before that, I had early breakfast with some of my friends from the office who were already not connected with the industry that is why I am missing them so much. So we had breakfast at Pancake House Metrowalk. Then I headed up to my officemate and got my dvd orders. I ordered:

1. 27 Dresses
2. Desperate Housewives Season 1-3

There, you could simply imagine how I spent my holidays. Yea! I indulge myself watching dvds and it made me sick. LOL Coz I didn’t have time to stretch and all that. I was really a couch potato last 2 days. It was fun though. I didn’t have the means of shopping or visiting the spa, or taking my clothes to the laundry, or having my nails done instead… Coz I’m freakin’ out of cash! LOL well, its okay. I know it’s going to be fine anytime soon because it’ll be payday on the 28th. Thank good Lord!

So what’s up with my so-called love life? Hmmm. Nothing new. Same thing happened. I went there and we day dreamt. I just love being with him except loving the surroundings! Hell I just couldn’t afford seeing him living his every single day there. I pity him so much. But there’s no way of taking him out of that place. We actually had a time scribbling on a piece of paper all the people he knew and the one’s he’ll invite to our wedding. He said, “It’ll be the most awaited wedding of the year wifey! I know it’ll be!” I smiled and let him write. All the while, I see 3 pages are already full of numbers and papers. Woah! He was once popular then! He knew a lot of people that I don’t know. I started to crack a joke. “Are those people legal?” Hahahahahhahaha! Then we laugh.

He asked me to write my own list. And we headed to making our list of our dream entourage. :) This is day dreaming I know! I tell you… I had fun! As if it was for real. As if the wedding day will be 3 months from now. He was so excited and so do I. He was asking what motif I like, or do I have any theme for the wedding or just a simple one. Oh my! I couldn’t believe Onie’s been thinking about this stuff lately. We don’t actually talk about weddings when we were still together in the real world. You get what I mean? Yea! Onie’s a typical happy-go-lucky person. Sweet but immature one. We find it hard talking about serious stuffs before, but now, what we have on plate are our future plans and I am sad and happy about it. Thinking, are these dreams would finally come true or just stay as a dream that has no room for reality? Woah! That’s harsh! I think I should stay positive with this! I don’t want any negative vibe will come my way this Monday or rather Tuesday, whatever day today. :)
I actually wanna show you the list of our entourage. I was happy about it and excited at the same time! But of course, I don’t wanna spoil the event. I don’t wanna just day dream about it! I’ll make this happen! He’ll make it happen! WE’LL MAKE EVERYTHING HAPPEN! :)

And for now,
This is Madamme… signing of…

Transformation

im getting bloody old. ;)



sometimes, I use to day dream about anything. I'm thinking about my past, my present and my future. Then suddenly I realized, boy, I'm bloody getting old and this is not fair! haha! why? Because, I see myself alone while embracing my future. It's freaking lonely thinking indeed my current situation. Yea, I am blessed with work, I have very supporting folks, I got tons of perfect friends all over the world. The only thing I'm sad about is, I am alone literally. I miss my other half again. I notice that I keep on blogging about the same old stuff and the only thing differs about it is the title alone. Sigh. How in the world I could deal with this? How many days from now, my bro will have another angel. His wife will give birth for their second child. How many months from now, my big sis will definitely give birth to her second child (i hope its girl this time). How many years from now, my other big sis will finally get married. Oh! before I forget, my lil big sis got boyfriend already. and I saw the pic. He's cute though. And I am bloody envious with them. Really! Can you imagine how happy they are?

Soon, I know, the perfect time will come. Soon I'll be happy. happily married with hubby with 1 kid I suppose. But he wants 2 kids, rather 3. Oh-oh! He's mean! How can I handle 3 kids! Well let's just say, I should start working hard to earn millions of moolahs. I should be rich to pay for 3 nannies. LOL. I should be rich! hahhaha!

Ok, to start this.. I'll go back to work. See yah! :)

was marketing

I know what's bothering me now. lately, I see myself not in the mood to work. Every night, it's been as if I am forcing myself to wake up just to prepare for work. I don't know if this sounds cool but I am not happy anymore (again). Take a look at this.



That's marketing team before. Would you believe if I tell you I'm the only marketing person there who's still connected with my current employer now? Yes! They're all gone. Even the big boss there. Everyone moved out and found his/her new job elsewhere. I couldn't imagine me staying here. Once I tried leaving, another opportunity came my way--and still I wasn't prepared. Then, I came back. I loved everything about here. All the perks and the people. I got tons of old and new friends. I learned a lot about internet marketing. I love my boss now. He's too nice and smart. Yet, there's something in me that I am trying to understand, why am I not happy anymore. Was it because K left also? Was it because of the current status of the company? Nah. I think it doesn't count at all. I'd be very hypocrite if I say I don't miss everyone here. The old employees to be exact. I miss them. Ung tawanan kapag break, ung walang humpay na yosi. It's really different now.

That picture? It's too old. And its not complete anyway. We were like 18 before. And now. The new marketing team? We are 6 in a group now. Me the oldest employee, my boss of course, not new but still I came earlier than him, plus the 4 new people. They're all nice and smart. But still. I miss the old marketing team!

weekend drama

today, i kinda feel again the feeling of being "not-connected-to-anyone"haaay.. this is freakin' lonely. im sad. really sad.

wala ng natuloy na binalak
that's the fuckin' saddest part here. I almost wanted to SCREEAAAAMMM! (btw, yea.. for those who prayed for this cancellation of our beach getaway, you better get lost and try to find the exit door coz i really wanna chop your head.. you're bloody getting into my nerves!)

last thursday shift, i intended to hit all my tasks for i will ask permission to take an off on my friday shift. I'll be miles away from manila. get tanned at the beach with my so-called friends from college. so i packed my things up and ready to go. I arrived Alabang then, grabbing some cash from the atm machine, Gen texted. We have to cancel our trip. may bagyo raw! fukc that! nakakainis! if you just know how excited i am with this trip. maaawa talaga kayo saken. huhuhu. I've been looking forward to this event pero ayun. dahil sa punyetang bagyo! nagkanda leche leche! haaaaay. oh well. shit happens, that's the least i could say to calm down myself.

Gen told me to go back to ortigas/makati area so we could chill nalang somewhere there. I don't have the means of staying there with that black clouds and heavy rain. I don't wanna piss myself off because of the weather. I'd rather stay cool with whoelse? Onie nalang. I stayed at home for 2 hours with my folks and manage to fix myself and be ready to surprise hubby. He doesn't know anything about this so-called crap... the cancellation going on thingy, so might as well, take this opporunity to be with him nalang. so un, i went there, seeing his big smile on his face made my day complete. really, onie's been my paracetamol since then. He can make me cool down and take away my angst and my head ache all at the same time without doing something or just smiling back at me. just that.. i know.. it's kinda cheesy but for real.. i mean that. ;) he really is my medicine for all the fuckin' head aches i've been encountering.

I stayed there until 5am. (ok. for those who are protesting.. take the exit door pls. LOL) I know it's too much to stay there until that time, but i wanted to. That's the only time I could bond with him, that's the only time i could see him happy, that's the only time we could say goodnight with each other face to face, that's the only time i could touch him, that's the only time i can embrace him... i could still remember the lines i told him that night..

"i don't want to sleep even i am sleepless, i just wanna see your entire face looking at me.. I love you so much. Though we are dealing with this kind of situation, i am still here, I'll be yours forever hubby. Stay with me... I miss you dearly.."

Sigh... i miss him again now. if only the time permits me to stay there longer.. I will. Yes! truly I'll stay...

Reminiscing and Planning (at this day, I -- )

8 years ago - I skipped schooling. I was mad at my parents because I can't understand why I have to sacrifice everything for my siblings. I worked at an electronics industry somewhere at Laguna. My complexion right then was really white (because of the aircon and the graveyardshift). LOL. I had my first atm then. Received my first pay as well. And that was the year I hubby and I became couple (April 10, 2000)



This is the only old pic i have here in my pc. but that's year 2000 i think.


7 years ago - entered apc for college. Was shy and insecure because I know am older than my classmates. And I was thinking that I couldn't make it because I stopped schooling. Earned a lot of friends and am happy were still intact now. That one, we had field trip at Marikina I think. That's for Values Education subject. (WTF! we had that kind of subject? hehe) I was with my blockmates called SSE12 and our prof was Dr. Yu. The person I miss during these days that I had a friendly relationship with was Lorenzo. During late last last year I guess, we still had contacts. Since I often lost my phone, my contacts were already erased. Yeah I know that sucks!


6 years ago - I was 2nd year college then. I had favorite girls and we named our group as MACKIE. lol ;p I was excited about schooling, was enjoying every single days together. And did I mention I love wearing business attire? hahaha! that's true and I couldn't find a day having a bad hair day. I always iron my hair yeah!! really.


5 years ago - I became addicted with tong-its. I was playing with Karleen and Philip till 10pm I think. LOL and people can always spot me at "Aling Miding's" Tambayan were a lot of makukulet and happy people chill and stay up until night to share kwentos and yosi or even drink redhorse up until dawn. That pic, we were with AA and Mae. Cool hot mammas. Miss them. :)



4 years ago - 2004 - Wei shifted course and 5 of us stay at the same course. Luckily, we had good grades and good love life as well. hehehe. We had big plans by that time. We were thinking of having a business called "Hav' it ur Way". we don't really know still what kind of industry. All we knew is that the name of the company. We had big dreams back then. I dropped a subj. I forgot what it is. But the reason was because of the prof. He doesn't like me and I don't like him either. So I dropped and took the subject next term.


3 years ago - I graduated and that's our barkada pic. Nice no? I didn't realize we're about to graduate really soon. It's like, for me studying at apc seems like really fast. I was just enjoying the moment, then came graduation. Sad because a lot of people have to face the fact that they have to leave country and Irene was one of them. That's why I missed here so much.



I'll continue this tonight. Heck! It's already 4:05. I have to go. I'll be working still tonight. Sigh for me. Well it's payday. I should be cheering up here. YAY! :)

Funny Data I sent

Check this out! =)) I made a doc for him. I told him I have a copy of his CV

B0bby P*rez
Visit me at: Blk 1* Lot 6 Phase *
Mutu*l Hom*s, M*ntinlup* C*ty
Text me at: 09*7 8836***
Call me anytime at: 850 13**


Objective: To gain more knowledge about A*za Den*ña and earn more experience about love with her.

Work Experience:
Br*nd*rs.com
Boyfriend to A*z* D.

Personal Reference:
A*za Den*ña
Future Mrs. P*rez

Kay Rh*des
Witness to our eternal love.

Hahaha!

Note: I put * so that this entry wont be able to make it on organic search of go*gle. Good job! LOL =))

These things--I know I'll be missing these moments ;)

Just because you didn't know

I managed to browse on some of my entries here and found two comments that I didn't notice before:

"geni said...
LOL! ive already uploaded the pixies! ang dami lang..

March 30, 2008 10:36 PM

ming said...
ganyan ka ka naman si gen ang gaze lng ang namimiss mo! :p

March 31, 2008 11:44 PM

Anonymous said...
oo nga c gen at gaze lang! hatechu!

-ayreen elque

May 05, 2008 1:40 AM

aiza said...
hmmm. may ganto palang comment dito? hindi nyo man ako naiintindihan.. hindi man kayo maniwala..



namimiss ko kayo."

There I saw two comments from Mich and Irene. They thought I don't miss them as much as I miss Gen and Gaze.

Being with these people (gen and gaze) don't mean I totally changed or I erased you guys from my friend's list. Infact, I miss you all so much. The original MACKIE group. If only I could turn back time, I'd rather stay intouch with all of you. But we all know, time doesn't permit us, and so with the situation. If only we could see each other everyday, that would be better. When was the last time I dumped you guys? I can not think of any instance I made a decision of letting you feel down because I chose to be with somebody else than being with you. (Don't you dare consider the time I left you because I chose to be with Onie. That's different story my dear sweethearts :p) So I say, being with the rest of my girls like gen, gaze, aileen, mich c, doesn't imply I do not miss you (irene, stayn, mich r, karleen, wei) at all. The situation is very very complicated. You know what I mean. Could I just ask one question though?

hmmmm. I changed my mind. I don't want to question things like that. Besides, Being a friend and choosing you all to be my friend shouldn't have a hanging question about the friendship and the relationship we have.

Real friends last forever even without seeing each other or talking with each other. By heart, by mind and by soul... I equally love all of you and treasure you til the end.

*sniff*

I sang for hubby

I had my usual Saturday with hubby. This time, it was extra special. I sang my favorite song of Silent Santuary which is really dedicated to him--Kundiman. I sang it in his ears coz I don't want him to see me that frustrated and lonely. Suddenly, my tears fell and I burst out. He's telling me to stop and calm down but I refuse. I wanted to finish the song. I told him, every single detail of the lyrics was intended for him. *Sniff*

Glance at it and you'll see:

Kundiman
Silent Sanctuary

Para kang asukal
Sintamis mong magmahal
Para kang pintura
Buhay ko ikaw ang nagpinta
Para kang unan
Pinapainit mo ang aking tiyan
Para kang kumot na yumayakap
Sa tuwing ako’y nalulungkot


Kaya’t wag magtataka
Kung bakit ayaw kitang maawala


Kung hindi man tayo hanggang dulo
Wag mong kalimutan
Nandito lang ako
Laging umaalalay
Di ako lalayo
Dahil ang tanging panalangin ko ay ikaw

Di baleng maghapon umulan
Basta’t ikaw ang sasandalan
Liwanag ng lumulubog na araw
Kay sarap pagmasdan
Lalo na pag nasisinagan ang iyong mukha
Hinding-hindi magsaawa
Ayoko ng magsawa


Bahala na, ayoko muna magsalita
Hayaan na muna natin ang hatol ng tadhana



Then we stated to day dream about our future together (again). I am thinking, are these just fantasies? Would it be hard for us to see things in proper places as time goes by? Can we make this happen? I am very very excited about our future plans. I hope in time, these things will happen.

Thy will be done. :)

Like We Love to Hang Out Together - Everyday

Here are some pics last April 30 before labor day.
We had coffee at Gloria Jeans Galeria.





After that shift was morning of May 1st. Everyone is celebrating the "Labor Day" and normal people don't have work. But me? Nah! I am working for US. (I mentioned this for the nth time. I guess.) Goodthing about it? I'll receive double pay for sure! YEY! I texted Gen and she went online. I asked her if she wants to watch a movie. "When Love Begins" - I was hoping to watch this since the day I saw the trailer from the telly. Nothing special about it actually, I just wanted to enter a movie house. Prolly that's the main reason :D

So I called Gaze. She's still sleeping. She made it at Megamall by 12something I guess.

Then we watched. I got bored. I didn't felt the "awwww" factor. Nothing special. It was so-so for me. The only thing I could say perfect about it were all Anne's Boracay outfit! she's hot there. But the tandem wasn't right. They're uhmmmm, how would I say this? Anne's too young I guess. She looks like she's kissing her uncle? LOL :))

Whatever. I was dog tired and manage to go home by 6. So, what will you expect. I didn't report for work that night. Instead, I wake up at around 4 and texted boss I'll be super late and be at the office by 5-6am. He said OK. Thanks boss ;)

Take a peek

Here's some pics from Ambet's birthday bash...

Untitled Blog

I've been searching for a time to blog this past few days, I really can't update until I finally decided now to make an entry even I know there are a lot of stuffs to prioritize.

I had a wonderful week in fairness but there are some things which I think, not so cool, happened started last Monday.

I wanna share this letter to you given by a cute friend from the office.

AIZA,

NO MAN WILL EVER CLAIM YOU UNLESS
HE CLAIMS YOU FROM ME
FOR I RESERVED A MAN FOR YOU--
WHO HAS MY HEART AND LOVES ME
MORE THAN he will ever love you.
A MAN WHO'S BEAUTY REFLECTS MINE.
I WONT GIVE YOU UNLESS HE ASKS YOU FROM ME.
He's asleep, don't wake him..
Soon you'll know & be sure that it's him-- But
IN MY PERFECT TIMING!
YOU ARE MY DAUGHTER, MY LITTLE PRINCESS.
LET NO PRINCE CLAIM YOU UNLESS
HE ASKS YOU FROM MY HAND.
FOR I AM YOUR FATHER,
THE KING OF KINGS &
LORD OF LORDS.
AND YOU ARE MY DAUGHTER,
YOU MY LITTLE PRINCESS,
I ONLY WANT WHAT'S BEST FOR YOU.
U DESERVE TO HAVE THE BEST PRINCE
WHO'S WORTH WAITING FOR.
I LOVE YOU --Jesus Christ

Awww, I like him, he's too nice. We chat everyday and we talk about anything. He gave me siopao one time, and in return, I gave him 3 musketeers. (aww)
He's ok.
He's very kind.
He's very soft.
He's an Eng.
He's living at Cavite.
He's 27.
He's cute.
He's lovable.
He's sweet.
He's approachable.
He's attached. :(
He has a girlfriend.
They are happy i suppose.

So much about him.
But I'm ok.
I'm more than OK.